Re-post

Mar 2, 2009
Bigger

This is a word that can have a negative or positive impact on some one's life. When your bank account increases in size, you see it as a positive thing...but when your pregnant body begins to take on a bigger shape, a negative vibe is usually attached. I'm not so much the glowing pregnant type as I am sticky and sweaty, accompanied with bi-daily showers and oily hair syndrome. Since this third trimester started not only has my body increased in roundness (in front and behind) but so have my piles of laundry, piles of organized messes, piles of bills, piles of toys, and piles of dishes. My porch used to be clean but currently has a pile of trash that is getting bigger and needs to be taken to the dumpster. It's almost like the bigger and bigger I get, the bigger the messes get in my home. Even my toddler is getting bigger. He seems so huge and grown up some days. This pregnancy has been so different from my first. I don't remember feeling overwhelmed with laundry, dishes, housewife duties, duties in my church, mommy duties with a 2 year old, and then keeping up with myself on top of it all. But, after a long day of what seems like "slaving away" I sit back and it still looks like I haven't even scratched the surface of the organizing and cleaning that needs to be done! So, here I sit blogging during my toddler's nap time, instead of worrying about the messes. It won't do any good anyway! I don't remember being as scared as I am, right now, with my first. Maybe it's because with the first baby the excitement and naivete overshadowed any doubt or worry. Now that I know what to expect, and what lies ahead on the road to recovery from a c-section, sleepless nights, and breastfeeding (so NOT the funnest thing in the world), I'm a little more worried and anxious about it all. I have crazy dreams, crazy thoughts about "what if", I'm not sleeping well, and things just don't seem as exciting with this pregnancy. It's almost like myself, and husband included, have a "been there, done that" mentality. But here I am on this end of ignorance knowing what to expect with a major surgery and recovery, and trying to figure out how to do it with a very rambunctious 2 year old. I really need to relax and get excited about another little guy in our house. I know my husband has even seemed less enthused about feeling the baby kick, or getting new baby gear. Where is that excitement that should be synonymous with a newborn, that should be bigger than the worries? It's so different with the first, as I know most of you would agree. So, as I get bigger, so do the messes, and the worries.