I've decided that sometimes the only thing that understands how you feel, the only thing that really listens, that doesn't talk back, that doesn't have his/her 2 cents and knows exactly what you're thinking, is a journal. For some of us that journal is our blog. I have numerous journals. I think 7 to be exact. They are full. They started when I was in junior high school. If I count the diaries that I had in elementary, well, then we're talking 14 or so more "journals" full to the brim with ideas, feelings, realizations, and lots of girly emotions. I'm not sure where they all are, except my latest 7. I know I had them though, and I know they helped. My new resolve is to continue this personal journal tradition. What brought all this about? Well, I had a baby. My second son was born three weeks ago. EEk. Time has already gotten the best of me and I have only journaled once. I've realized that the world has gotten so casual and fast paced with feeling ie. twitter, facebook, myspace, and hey, even blogger, that no one looks deeply into each other's lives anymore (let alone ourselves being introspective for any amount of time). Our feelings, words, and current states of being are deduced to exclamation points here and uppercase letters there. An LOL every once in a while ended with =). Sure, it's quick, it's easy, it's a bit mindless but it hasn't changed me for the better. I realize when I sit down to think about things, my life at the moment and my true emotional state, and write it out in my journal, I change. My resolve then, is to change. Change is good. Some of my resolves are listed below. I will be accountable if I share them.
- Weight loss. Yeah, yeah...I know. You've heard it before. But, I'm serious. Pregnancy does a number on the body! Man, what we sacrifice for babies (men will never know the extent of damage it does emotionally, physically, and mentally)! How will I lose weight? I really don't know. I need to quit self-sabotage and exercise I guess. I need to walk using my amazing new compact double stroller. I will remind myself I can always take a nap in the afternoon so I will be motivated to get out of bed after the early morning nursing of the baby. I have at least an hour in between that time and when the two year old gets up and husband is off to work. I won't diet. I hate dieting. The closest diet I come to is diet pepsi. Hmm...I wonder if I'll lose weight without cutting out my snackage at night? Hmm, that sounds like self-sabotage. Ah, crap!
- Control my temper. Oh my! With a two year old tantrum-throwing, too big for his own shoes, too smart for his own good, boy...some days I wonder if he hates me because I probably seem so mean to him! How will I control my temper? I will try to count to 5 before exploding. Just kidding. I will count to 5 and hopefully not explode at that point. I will pray. I will read my scriptures. I will use soft words and a soft voice. Then, if that doesn't work, I'll just shut him in his room. There...that sounds pretty good.
- Journal. I will keep a journal. If not in my "personal" journal, then here on blogger. How? I will unchain myself from activities that aren't productive! Of course, I deem naps necessary for mothers, so I may not get on to journal as often as I am expecting. Just thought of that. And, at nights, aren't you so exhausted like me? Ya just want to veg out to nothingness? Well, now I know why we want the mindless and superficial world of facebook, myspace, and twitter. =)
Lacey, I totally admire you! You have the strength and will to be a mother of two, and I'm definitely not even ready for 1 yet!!
ReplyDeleteI have journals that go back to 12 years old, and I've recently started rereading them, and I'm learning so much about myself! It's so much fun! I try to still write in my journal regularly, but I'm not so good at it either. Usually my journal entries begin by "Okay, let me fill you in on the last few months..."
And seriously, every time someone tells me that they want to lose weight and get in shape, I tell them exactly what has worked for me. Exercise regularly (invest in a Heart Rate Monitor, it's fantastic!) and keep track of what you eat!! Every morsel of food gets logged! I use this website
http://www.livestrong.com/thedailyplate/
but there are others just like it out there on the web, including sparkpeople.com. Just search for what you ate, add it to your plate and keep up with your calorie goals!
Wow, that sounded like such a paid endorsment, but seriously, I didn't start really losing weight until I started tracking my food. That's where the big problems usually lay.
Anywho, you're awesome! Love ya, chica!
I love to read your entries. I wish you did more, more often. I kept a journal while I was raising you kids. I got it out a few years ago and after I read most of my entries I was so depressed realizing how depressed I was and the huge amount of struggels I had. I spent a lot of time worrying and complaining and very little time counting my blessings. I now keep a journal by my bed and when I go to bed and feel totally beat up and feel like crap, I pick up that journal and start writting down my blessings of that particular day. I sleep better and I feel better about my life. Taking on a family is a HUGE responsibility as you now know! When you wake up each morning say to yourself, "Today I will have no regrets!" I carried that thought with me through out the day and it truely helped me. Set that as a goal everyday and it will help you with Coleman. I love you and miss you.
ReplyDeleteI too love to read your posts.
ReplyDeleteI have been journaling more than ever. There is some real inspiration in the counsel to journal. I was reading mine from an entry about 18 months ago and it essentially had the same things that I wanted to work on in my life then, that I am still working on now! We share some of the same things that we'd like to change and some of the same struggles. ...weight, patience and parenting...also self sabotage and being a mom and tryig to find the time and energy.
Know that you aren't alone in your efforts. Good luck. I love you and just want to hug you!