A New Resolve

I am officially a mother of two boys. I clap my hands in respect to everyone who has crossed this threshold of life before! Congrats for making it. And I look up to you for continuing to multiply your family numbers. How you do it, I will never know. With that having been said...

I've decided that sometimes the only thing that understands how you feel, the only thing that really listens, that doesn't talk back, that doesn't have his/her 2 cents and knows exactly what you're thinking, is a journal. For some of us that journal is our blog. I have numerous journals. I think 7 to be exact. They are full. They started when I was in junior high school. If I count the diaries that I had in elementary, well, then we're talking 14 or so more "journals" full to the brim with ideas, feelings, realizations, and lots of girly emotions. I'm not sure where they all are, except my latest 7. I know I had them though, and I know they helped. My new resolve is to continue this personal journal tradition. What brought all this about? Well, I had a baby. My second son was born three weeks ago. EEk. Time has already gotten the best of me and I have only journaled once. I've realized that the world has gotten so casual and fast paced with feeling ie. twitter, facebook, myspace, and hey, even blogger, that no one looks deeply into each other's lives anymore (let alone ourselves being introspective for any amount of time). Our feelings, words, and current states of being are deduced to exclamation points here and uppercase letters there. An LOL every once in a while ended with =). Sure, it's quick, it's easy, it's a bit mindless but it hasn't changed me for the better. I realize when I sit down to think about things, my life at the moment and my true emotional state, and write it out in my journal, I change. My resolve then, is to change. Change is good. Some of my resolves are listed below. I will be accountable if I share them.

1. Weight loss. Yeah, yeah...I know. You've heard it before. But, I'm serious. Pregnancy does a number on the body! Man, what we sacrifice for babies (men will never know the extent of damage it does emotionally, physically, and mentally)! How will I lose weight? I really don't know. I need to quit self-sabotage and exercise I guess. I need to walk using my amazing new compact double stroller. I will remind myself I can always take a nap in the afternoon so I will be motivated to get out of bed after the early morning nursing of the baby. I have at least an hour in between that time and when the two year old gets up and husband is off to work. I won't diet. I hate dieting. The closest diet I come to is diet pepsi. Hmm...I wonder if I'll lose weight without cutting out my snackage at night? Hmm, that sounds like self-sabotage. Ah, crap!
2. Control my temper. Oh my! With a two year old tantrum-throwing, too big for his own shoes, too smart for his own good, boy...some days I wonder if he hates me because I probably seem so mean to him! How will I control my temper? I will try to count to 5 before exploding. Just kidding. I will count to 5 and hopefully not explode at that point. I will pray. I will read my scriptures. I will use soft words and a soft voice. Then, if that doesn't work, I'll just shut him in his room. There...that sounds pretty good.
3. Journal. I will keep a journal. If not in my "personal" journal, then here on blogger. How? I will unchain myself from activities that aren't productive! Of course, I deem naps necessary for mothers, so I may not get on to journal as often as I am expecting. Just thought of that. And, at nights, aren't you so exhausted like me? Ya just want to veg out to nothingness? Well, now I know why we want the mindless and superficial world of facebook, myspace, and twitter. =)

Pretenses

Why do I never run into other mothers that seem frazzled or frustrated? Is it because they were injected with an alien serum that allows them to perma-grin 24-7? There are days when being a mom is annoying, exhausting, repetitive, gloomy, discouraging, unfair, and overwhelming. I admit it. I'm not putting a disclaimer on this post of "But I do love being a mommy" because this is just the way I feel sometimes. I don't hide the fact that some days I don't want to do anything that has to do with being a mom. I'm not in the market of "rubbing egos" with Stepford wives and putting on the bleached smile attitude of "life is beautiful here in apple pie-ville." In fact, half the time I don't brush my teeth at night due to passing out way before I think of it and I certainly don't know how to make an apple pie, or care to know. Maybe that's why those other moms have perfect smiles - they forget to brush too, but then overcompesate with Crest White Strips (please say yes because it would make me feel so much better). Honestly, I would rather watch late night tv, sleep in until noon, throw my hair in a pony tail and have nothing on the agenda for the day. No bills to pay, no deadlines for church services rendered, no errands to tend to, no diapers to change, no noses to wipe, no spilled milk to wipe up, no smooshed cereal in the carpet, no meals to prepare, no noises at 7am (I hate mornings), no playground trips (can I be spared being asked to play at the park for one day?), no baby talk and no frustrations of unruly children.
I've replaced

• intellectual conversation with toddler talk to a child who probably thinks his name is "No-No"
• morning and evening news with morning and evening kid's movies (as only to free up time for me to clean, launder, and straighten the messes)
• great sleep habits with what seems like no sleep with my 7 month old fetus kicking me all night and aches and pains
• sleeping in until I had to work with a between 6:30 and 7am toddler-in-room alarm every morning no matter what
• shaved legs and good hygiene to shaving and plucking whenever I know I might be wearing capris or seeing people
• eating my meals in peace to sharing my meals and lucky if I get a piece
• taking Saturdays to shop and try on clothes to online wish lists and kids play areas at the mall
• listening to church services to wondering why I even bother
• sitting comfortably on my couch to being malled like a jungle-gym

You get the point... This would be the part where the disclaimer would say "But, I chose to be a mom, and everyday brings new and exciting things. Motherhood is an amazing calling." But, even with knowing that, it doesn't replace the facts of life that motherhood is trying and sometimes downright bothersome! Is it due to selfishness? Duh! You're dang right it is. It's not as if I'm going to stop being a mother. I'm not going to stop my daily tasks of caring for my family and home. I am also not going to stop having bothersome days of wishing for peace and quiet with a chick flick playing and having only one nose to wipe, mine. Where is that support group of mothers that doesn't require a membership to Lala Land? I don't need to put on the pretense that mom world is a perfect place 24-7. Laundry is calling, so are my smelly dishes (and I mean smelly). I send you my condolences if you're having a day like mine.

Creative

I'll admit. I'm not the most creative person. It means I'd have to be original, imaginative, inspired, artistic, and innovative (to name a few). Creativity runs through other mommy's veins like blood runs through mine, so I take my ideas from them. How lucky I am that other moms post their great ideas for me to copy! I found a not too salty, won’t dry your hands, recipe for play dough. You can visit //http://tutusandturtles.blogspot.com/2008/11/indoor-activity.html or read below

Homemade play dough
Ingredients:
3 c. flour
3 c. boiling water
1 1/2 c. salt
6 tsp cream of tartar
3 TBS oil
food coloring

Directions:
1. In a large bowl, mix together flour, salt, cream of tartar and oil.
2. Add boiling water and mix well. You can knead dough on floured surface until no longer sticky (do not add too much flour or dough will dry out).
3. store in air tight container or ziploc bags.

Also, ever wonder what to do on days when you feel a little lackluster? Here is another great idea for you! It's an I Spy game. http://littlewindowshoppe.com/make-your-own-i-spy-bottle. I'm sure all of you out there have one lurking around your house, but I don't. I thought it was a great idea. I've seen other versions, but this one was simple!

Are your family dinners getting stale? This is a game, but you could make it yourself. Each card has a different topic or set of words to get the conversations rolling. I'm a sucker for good food and good conversation!

FUN

This word, although defined the same, comes in many forms. It's something that provides amusement, enjoyment, and also describes being playful or lighthearted. To an adult "fun" has many varieties, but to a kid, it's pretty simple. Anything outside (parks, playgrounds, courtyards, walks, trikes and bikes) and anything engaging (soccer, swings, stairs, slides, and other kids). Granted, this picture is a year old, but still shows the joy my guy finds in being active. I find that it's mostly vigorous, entertaining, and playful styles of activities that are fun to most kids. My toddler is getting to be more of a simple creature to figure out. When it's 85 degrees outside, like it is today, seize the opportunity for playground time. It's outside, which kids think is fun in and of itself, and there are colorful toys to play on, in and around. A no brainer! Plus, it tuckers out my toddler and he's more than ready for a nap by the time he's done playing. Such a blessing to have good weather. Now, moms on the other hand may not think it's all that fun trying to cram in another playtime activity before lunch or naps, but, as for me, it's a lot funner than hearing the whine of my child from being inside and subjected to another cartoon while I do what I think are necessary or "fun" things. Get up, get out! It's going to be such a glorious week with a great weekend!