3/25/09

Pretenses

Why do I never run into other mothers that seem frazzled or frustrated? Is it because they were injected with an alien serum that allows them to perma-grin 24-7? There are days when being a mom is annoying, exhausting, repetitive, gloomy, discouraging, unfair, and overwhelming. I admit it. I'm not putting a disclaimer on this post of "But I do love being a mommy" because this is just the way I feel sometimes. I don't hide the fact that some days I don't want to do anything that has to do with being a mom. I'm not in the market of "rubbing egos" with Stepford wives and putting on the bleached smile attitude of "life is beautiful here in apple pie-ville." In fact, half the time I don't brush my teeth at night due to passing out way before I think of it and I certainly don't know how to make an apple pie, or care to know. Maybe that's why those other moms have perfect smiles - they forget to brush too, but then overcompesate with Crest White Strips (please say yes because it would make me feel so much better). Honestly, I would rather watch late night tv, sleep in until noon, throw my hair in a pony tail and have nothing on the agenda for the day. No bills to pay, no deadlines for church services rendered, no errands to tend to, no diapers to change, no noses to wipe, no spilled milk to wipe up, no smooshed cereal in the carpet, no meals to prepare, no noises at 7am (I hate mornings), no playground trips (can I be spared being asked to play at the park for one day?), no baby talk and no frustrations of unruly children.
I've replaced
  • intellectual conversation with toddler talk to a child who probably thinks his name is "No-No"
  • morning and evening news with morning and evening kid's movies (as only to free up time for me to clean, launder, and straighten the messes)
  • great sleep habits with what seems like no sleep with my 7 month old fetus kicking me all night and aches and pains
  • sleeping in until I had to work with a between 6:30 and 7am toddler-in-room alarm every morning no matter what
  • shaved legs and good hygiene to shaving and plucking whenever I know I might be wearing capris or seeing people
  • eating my meals in peace to sharing my meals and lucky if I get a piece
  • taking Saturdays to shop and try on clothes to online wish lists and kids play areas at the mall
  • listening to church services to wondering why I even bother
  • sitting comfortably on my couch to being malled like a jungle-gym

You get the point... This would be the part where the disclaimer would say "But, I chose to be a mom, and everyday brings new and exciting things. Motherhood is an amazing calling." But, even with knowing that, it doesn't replace the facts of life that motherhood is trying and sometimes downright bothersome! Is it due to selfishness? Duh! You're dang right it is. It's not as if I'm going to stop being a mother. I'm not going to stop my daily tasks of caring for my family and home. I am also not going to stop having bothersome days of wishing for peace and quiet with a chick flick playing and having only one nose to wipe, mine. Where is that support group of mothers that doesn't require a membership to Lala Land? I don't need to put on the pretense that mom world is a perfect place 24-7. Laundry is calling, so are my smelly dishes (and I mean smelly). I send you my condolences if you're having a day like mine.

4 comments:

  1. Sooooo TRUE!!!! I am right there with you. And we all put on smiles and fake the joy sometimes. Sometimes I allow the selfish side to win and over the past 8 days I have read 6 books! I LOVED it but now I know I have to stike a better balance. Hang in there. It won't always be like this and then some times it might get a little harder. Your not alone, we all have rough spots! Love You!

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  2. Are we the same person living in two different places? I couldn't have blogged it better myself woman!
    -The stinky sink...oh yeah, this week I've been wondering what lodged itself in my disposal and died! I'm burning a candle to cover up the smell!
    -The shaving/plucking? Oh yeah. Sometimes I think my husband wakes up startled in the middle of the night wondering if he's in bed with another man, as he brushes up against MY legs.
    -The toddler talk....oh yeah. And soon he will be fully conversational, and he will start giving full-voice play-by-plays of what you are doing in the public restroom. All in the restroom will hear and enjoy "Mama, you're stinky. Why are your buns so big mama? Your buns cover the whole seat Mama! Mama, You need to turn on the stinky fan. Mama, are you doing a big poopoo, or a little poopoo? Good job mama, that's a good poopoo!" (Excerpt from a Leah experience I had at church about a year ago.)

    I also don't pretend to be perfect. I don't have the energy to wear the stepford persona. I'm not June Clever or Carol Brady. This is life. And it is real, and raw, and we do endure many days of motherly overwhelm. All this for the hope and prayer that we can raise decent human being who will contribute to society and stay faithful to the gospel. And it is that faith that keeps us waking up at 6:15am every day with a demanding child(ren). 20/20 hindsight will hopefully yield the pay-out for all the pay-in we are giving now.

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  3. So true! Just the other day as I was driving out of my neighborhood i was giving myself a little pep-talk to prepare myself to see all the other moms that would be at the store all done up (by that i mean showered with hair done and make-up on) and how it seems i go out in public more and more with having not showered, my hair brushed but by no means done and i only touch my make-up on sundays. AND why doesn't that bother me more than it does. and then i get home from running said errands and i realize i need to clean up all the kitchen towels my kids used to make their brige and remember to change the laundry and change the nasty diaper and to help my daughter learn her letters and words that she will be tested on next week and then when i do get a few minutes to hop on the computer i read blog posts like yours and feel so much more comfortable in my skin becuase there really are ohter moms who feel the same way and don't look like June Cleaver either! SO thanks for sharing you thoughts and know that you and i are in the same boat!

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  4. Jungle Jim-That is too funny. I remember athinking "Why do I bother ironing my cloths for church?" 5 minutes into the meeting they looked like I pulled them off the floor and put them on.

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